I’ve been looking for a different way to think about my life. I think I’ve figured it out. Songs.
I. Love. Music.
Each day - or let's be real - as often as I think of it, haha, I want to think of what song captured my day (or week) the most.
There have been lots of changes in my life in the past year. I’ve moved out of my parent’s house from the suburbs to the incredible city of Chicago, I’ve started a new job as a registered nurse at a major medical center and I’ve started to really do things for myself. If I want to do something, I do it. I’m not waiting around for life to happen to me anymore, I feel like I’m living it.
I guess to make things interesting I should give a song that I love and I feel like it gives a good image of who I am, how I want to be. “Anything but Ordinary” by Avril Lavigne. I know what you’re thinking - the first song I reference and it’s by Avril, do I have any taste in music? Hold on a second and hear me out. I think she’s strong, she’s girly, she’s talented, she’s not one of those crazy celebrities, and she’s down to earth but not ‘ordinary.’ I hope that if you know me, those are some words that you’d use to describe me too. Actually, I remember when I first heard this song I thought ‘hey, that’d be a cool theme song to a show about some girl who’s just trying to learn about herself and love the life that she lives.’
I’m not going to let myself be embarrassed about the songs I pick here. They may range from the Backstreet Boys to Eminem to the Casting Crowns (one of their songs is 'Lifesong'... where I got the name for this blog-I'm sure I'll be picking it at some point). I love it all. If it relates to my day, I won’t deny that I like a song. I might even pick a song that I don’t like (which will be rare because there are few songs that I don't like) but that resonated with me on a particular day or for a particular event.
I've been making these entries on my computer in a word document for a few weeks now trying to decide whether or not to actually start a blog... I guess I've made the leap because here I am! And that means that I've got some back-posting to do!
Wednesday. 11.10.10 – Dare You to Move
This past week I did a lot. I met up with one of my buddies near her job in the loop, I ran 3 miles for the first time ever, and then this past weekend I ran my first official 5K. This weekend I also saw some cousins to celebrate one of their birthdays. Then Monday I worked at a doctors office that I occasionally help out at and yesterday I had my first root canal.
The biggest thing was running the 5K, which was called the Hot Chocolate 5K and it benefited the Ronald McDonald House. At the start of the race, the temperature outside was 32 degrees. It was cold! Can you believe that Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were all in the 60s? Crazy! I am not an athlete. I’ve never thought that I would run 3 miles without stopping, let alone enter a race and pay to run! I loved it! Being there with so many people who all had a common goal - to beat the cold and finish the run - was awesome. Running on closed streets around Soldier Field, the Shedd Aquarium, and Grant Park was also so cool and exhilarating. I did it with some friends from college but for the last mile I did it just me. I picked up the pace and almost got emotional as I got up to the finish line just because it’s something that I never imagined myself doing. As soon as winter is over I want to start running again, and I think I want to shoot for a 10K for sometime late spring or summer.
I’m working the next three nights at the hospital, then have another few days off. I already have plans to see a movie and have dinner with the high school girls on Sunday. Then on Monday I’m planning on working at the doctor's office again, then Tuesday am meeting up with a girl from college who was involved in some of the same groups as me and who always seemed to me to be somewhat of a kindred spirit but who I haven’t had much contact with at all over the past few years. I also have a potential ‘cousins dinner’ with a bunch of my really extended family. So many of us live in the city and for the most part I have never been in the same circle as them (I don’t know why, I guess my shyness got in my way when I was younger and then it just became hard to break into the group) but there is a chance that a large number of us will be meeting up for a dinner which should be fun.
Song of the day/week = Dare You to Move by Switchfoot.
Even though I told myself that I was going to start 'getting out there,' I didn't. Now I feel like I am finally getting out there and doing stuff and being social. I heard this song before I had started to make all of these plans, and I think that it stirred something subconsciously inside of me to start getting up and out.
Monday. 11. 1. 10 – Everyday is a Winding Road
It’s been a rough week. It’s hard being the new kid at work again. I don’t like not knowing where things are, what the policies/procedures are, not knowing who my coworkers are and who the doctors are. I’d been at my old job for over a year and it took probably 7 or 8 months for me to really feel comfortable with my position there. I was charge, I was precepting, on committees, I had friendly relationships with all of the nurses, the majority of the doctors, and ancillary staff. I miss my nurses and my favorite doctors. I think that part is the hardest – just not being on a first name basis with everyone. Do I really have to go through the ‘new kid phase’ for another 8 months? Ugh.
To top it off, the week before last I was feeling pretty good about everything and that I was getting into my grove again. After all, I do know how to be a nurse, moving to my new position was just supposed to mean that I had to learn to be their kind of nurse. However, things are far different than even I was expecting. Now, my last three shifts (Thursday night, Saturday night, Sunday night) were miserable. I won’t go into details, but it was just not at all even fun. I kept thinking, and why am I doing this? Why am I here? Even if this same exact situation was happening at my old job, it would be ok, because I would know what to do, who to call, who to ask for help, etc. Now I just feel overwhelmed.
There is one bright side. I have had a particular patient on and off for the past few weeks and she’s really a delight. The first time I had her, I didn’t think so, but we’ve forged a bond. I obviously can't go into her diagnosis or anything like that for privacy reasons, but basically something she thought was just a little thing has turned into metastatic cancer.
This woman is overwhelmed and can’t get over how fast all of this is happening and the amount of information that gets thrown at her each day. Even with all of this, she says please and thank you. The fact that she manages to say these simple words is a true testament to her character. Another testament to her character is that she has friends who come all of the time just to sit with her and talk. Her manicurist even came out late last night to do her nails! Her support system is amazing and they aren’t even her family, which she doesn’t have. Her friends are her family and they care deeply for her.
The rest of the staff seems to find her annoying and needy. Yes, she may need a lot, but wouldn’t you if your life changed overnight? She has reminded me why I am a nurse. It’s about making someone feel better and to get them through some of the most difficult days of their lives. This morning when I was leaving she thanked me for caring for her and told me that I was her angel. Not an angel, but her angel. And you know what? That made the past three nights worth it.
The song of the day, or the past week for that matter, is Everyday is a Winding Road by Sheryl Crow.
There are twists and turns, unexpected and planned, hills and valleys that life will take all of us through. The car may break down or hit a pothole, but you can fix a car and you can always find your way home. There’s always a destination. There’s a reason that God led me to be a nurse. I just have to take the bad shifts, angry and heavy patients with the good shifts and inspiring patients. I am a nurse, and I have to remind myself that I am a darn good nurse. I wind around, but I get where I’m going.
Sunday. 10.24.10 – Silence
I have a lot to be thankful for. I have incredible parents, great siblings who I love (most of the time), amazing aunts, uncles and cousins, good friends, a job, food in my tummy, a roof over my head, I’m healthy (I believe a benadryl or a Tums can solve any ailment), and have pretty much everything a girl my age needs.
I have a lot of prayers though. I pray that my family would be happy and healthy. That my cousin and her husband would be blessed with another child because I have never seen her happier than she has been since her first daughter was born. I pray that my other cousin is happy in NYC with her husband and new baby boy. I pray that my friends who have struggled with body image and eating would be able to see how amazing they are and that torturing themselves with food is not the answer. I pray that my friends, although we are all spread out, would remember why we are friends and that we can remain close. I pray for my patients and that I would be able to be compassionate, patient, gentle, and giving to them and help them through their time of sickness. I pray that my little brother is safe and happy in Denver. I pray that some people in my life will see that having money and possessions is not the key to happiness and that you have to love what you do to be happy. I praise God that my parents survived us kids and that they are still in love. I pray that my grandparents are up in heaven watching down on us and are proud of me. I pray that I am on the path that God has planned for me and I’m where he wants me to be.
The song of the day is Silence by Joy Williams.
This song is about praying and having faith in God but not always being able to hear Him or feel his presence. I have a strong faith and know that God loves me but sometimes it is difficult to believe that He is listening to me when he’s got 6 billion other people to worry about.
Tuesday. 10.19.10 – Independent Women
I’m an independent girl. I like to fix stuff, fix my own problems, buy my own stuff, figure out how to get places, etc.
I was out today and realized that I love the power of the Destiny’s Child song, Independent Women.
I bought my clothes, my car, my shoes, my jewelry, and my purse. I pay for my phone, for my apartment, for my food… other than a few things here and there that my parents decide to buy for me, I am self-sufficient. I kill bugs – other than a huge wasp in my apartment (my roommate had to kill that one for me!). I’ve fixed the toilet in my apartment. I’ve put together the furniture in my living room and bedroom. I’ve hung all of my pictures up. I like to know that I can do things on my own. Heck, I even do my own crossword puzzles. Although, my dad always loves the occasional call from me asking him for answers to the clues when my letters just won’t fit!
Monday. 10.18.10 – Takin’ Care of Business
Ended up going to a cool concert in Lincoln Park on Friday for a band called DeVotchKa with one of my good high school friends, her boyfriend and his brother and his friends. A verrrry interesting group, if I do say so myself. Everyone has their own quirks and personalities, but this group just seemed a little wacky. The band itself was also a little quirky too. At any given point the instruments being played were a tuba, violin, cello, accordion, piano, drums and guitar.
One of my college friends came up to the city for the weekend to see a bunch of her high school friends in the Urbanathalon – a cool race/obstacle course through the city involving jumping over taxis and running up and down the stairs of Soldier Field. I went down to Grant Park with her to watch it Saturday morning and had a nice time. I wish I could’ve spent more time with her but then I had to work Saturday and Sunday night so while she, my roommate, and the rest of her friends were all having fun I was either sleeping or working which was unfortunate.
Anywho… the song of the day today is Takin’ Care of Business by Bachman Turner Overdrive.
Let’s just say I’ve been putting some things off for a looooong time. The most important thing that I accomplished today was to schedule a root canal – yuck. I’ve had this messed up tooth since the fall of my senior year of college (yep, 2 years ago now) and kept avoiding going to the dentist about it. Last fall I finally went and he said I needed a root canal but could wait to get it done until my dental insurance from my then new job started. I put it off another 8 months and this summer the dentist said I really couldn’t/shouldn’t put it off anymore. So what did I do? I put it off for another 3 months. Can you tell that I really don’t want to get this done? I now have another new job and new dental insurance and I finally scheduled the procedure today for November… again, putting it off! I am a strange person who has always loved going to the dentist (all because of Maria the amazingly awesome hygienist I went to as a little kid-not going to lie, I still hope that I get her when I go for my checkups), but for some reason this whole thing just freaks me out. Okie doke, now that you know all about the state of my teeth, I’m sure you’re ready for me to be done for today!
Saturday. 10.16.10 - Single
I apologize for talking about my ‘singleness’ two days in a row. But, I am a young twenty-something single girl- it’s on my mind. Single. I’m ok being single, really, I am.
But the song of the day tells my views perfectly = Single by Natasha Bedingfield.
I wouldn’t count out the possibility of a relationship if someone came along and caught my eye, but it’s not like I feel like I need a boyfriend. I have to admit that there are days when I wish I had a boyfriend, just some companionship, someone who gets me. I like the independence of being on my own, another song that I love is Riding Solo by Jason Derulo. Although he’s singing about having been with a girl and liking his new state of ‘solo-ness,’ I still love it because of the freedom he sings about being single and ‘riding solo.’
Friday 10.15.10 - Hollaback Girl
Had a nice relaxing day. Got up, took a walk to a local thrift store and bought a cool vase to use as a decoration in my apartment for fall. I went to a craft fare yesterday and saw something cool with a vase and thought I could replicate it for super cheap (aka $5) instead of buying what they had for $45. Yes, I am a bargain shopper!
Song of the day = Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani.
Last week I was talking to a guy a lot, then towards the end of the week he just kind of stopped talking. Well, tonight he texts me and says that he and some friends are hanging out tonight if I wanted to come. He had his chance- I am no Hollaback Girl. I’m not a beck and call, sure don’t talk to me for a week and expect me to drive an hour to come see you when I don't even know you, kind of girl. Sorry, buddy. I also have plans. Even if I didn’t, I don’t think I’d let him know that I had nothing to do on Friday night and let him think I was sitting around pining for him to call me.
Thursday 10.14.10 - Who Says You Can't Go Home
As far as the song for today goes, hmmm…. Well, what did I do today? Being a nurse I work 3 twelve-hour shifts a week at my hospital – night shifts – ugh, right? But, that also means that I have 4 days off! Depending on what nights I'm working during the week, I have started working during the day just once a week at a doctors office near my parents' house that I worked at during college. Today was one of those days and compared to my usual work, today was low-key and really not very stressful. Busy, but not stressful. On these days I typically go home for dinner and sometimes spend the night. After I first moved out I felt dumb for going home weekly, but now I think, why not? It’s where I’m from; it’s where I truly am home.
Song for the day = Who Says You Can’t Go Home by Bon Jovi. (I LOVE Bon Jovi!).