Raise the Tree

It's been a few days since my last post... I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed a good weekend filled with time spent with family and friends.


Now that Thanksgiving has passed, I can finally accept that Christmas is on it's way!  I worked Thursday (Thanksgiving night) but yesterday after some sleep I went into the loop and met up with my sister and a number of her friends from school for some of the Black Friday madness.  We went through Marshall Fields Macy's and looked at all of the decorations and the famous Christmas windows.  Then we walked along Michigan Avenue and marveled at all of the people and lights and had dinner in Lincoln Park at an awesome restaurant called Cafe Ba Ba Reeba (http://www.cafebabareeba.com/chicago) which I had never been to before, but will definitely be going back to!  It was delicious and we had a lot of fun!  I recommend the Passion Fruit Sangria :-).  After dinner we headed over to a fun bar and ended the night with a big slumber party, a movie, and a fire in my fireplace - all in all we had a really fun time!


Today my roommate and I had a 'roomie day' and once our guests had left we set up the Christmas tree she bought last week and decorated the apartment.  We ran some errands, I went home for dinner and then came back and hung out with her and one of my high school friends.  Currently I'm sitting on the couch, loving the Christmas tree and the way that the lights are shining. 


The song of the day is 'Raise the Tree' by Trent Dabbs.  


Honestly, I'm really not much of a Christmas music person, but this song is one of my favorites and I sometimes will even listen to it in the  middle of the summer!  I love the simplicity of this song and have so many good memories of setting up my family Christmas tree.


Enjoy the start of the holiday season everyone!

I Bruise Easily

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.


I remember saying this and thinking this a lot when I was a kid.  Thankfully, I haven't had to in years.  Bullying.  Bullying has become an epidemic and everyone says that it needs to stop, but where to begin?  


In this day and age it is near impossible.  I turn the tv on and I hear newscasters and important people and tv shows saying that it needs to stop.  At the same time, others and even some of the people saying that it needs to stop are bullying themselves.  Maybe we have different definitions of bullying, but isn't making fun of someone bullying?


Examples


1.  the TV show, Glee, has been facing bullying a lot lately with the character of Kurt, an openly gay student who has an enemy on the football team.  The show has his fellow Glee-mates standing up for him, yet show the principle calling him demeaning nicknames like Lady and Porcelain.  What kind of message is that?


2.  Ellen Degeneres - I have to admit that I love her show.  However, I've noticed some inconsistencies.  She's been ending the show lately with "be kind to one another," but throughout the show she's making fun of people with her jokes and acts.


3.  Saturday Night Live - I've heard it said that once SNL has parodied you, you've made it to the big time.  The last episode I saw they had a skit about Miley Cyrus and while it was funny, if I were her I would have been really hurt.  


4.  Countless others - The Soup on E!, any late night talk show host's opening monologue, Celebrity Gossip shows judging everyone, etc.


It's all bullying, isn't it?


Not only do parents need to start teaching their children about bullying and teasing, but every single person needs to start making a conscious effort to be positive and lift people up, not bring them down but to lift people up.  Whatever happened to doing unto others as you would have done to you, or just not saying anything if you don't have anything nice to say?  I think that gossip is a form of bullying as well and I in no way, shape, or form can claim to have never gossiped.  I am going to make a huge effort to stop all together.


I still remember hurtful things that have been said and done to me in the past and the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" has not come true.  Broken bones heal and the pain becomes a distant memory.  Hurtful words stay with a person and become a chronic injury that is not forgotten.


Song of the day is 'I Bruise Easily,' by Natasha Bedingfield.

Goodbye

I'm back, as I'm sure you all have been waiting with bated breath for me... 

Trying to come up with a song to represent that past few days has been difficult.  Tonight I will be working my 5th night out of the past 6, so all I've really done is sleep, eat, work, repeat.  

We've had some really sick people on the floor lately, both young and old.  Sometimes they're full codes, meaning that we do pretty much anything and everything to keep them alive if their heart of respiratory systems fail.  Sometimes they're DNR or DNI - DNR means don't do anything, no drugs, no CPR, no intubation, just let them die without all of that additional trauma.  DNI means that we can use the drugs and CPR, but that if it comes down to the patient needing to be intubated, we have to stop.  

Now that I'm talking about this, I'll pick the song of the past few days/week that represents work as Celine Dion's, "Goodbye's (The Saddest Word)."

We had one young person (won't say if it was a young man or young woman) who was in a vegetative state, and yet they were a full code and had coded multiple times in the past.  We had an older patient who was really struggling as of late and who had really appeared to live a happy and fulfilled life and you could tell in their face that he didn't want us to be doing what we were to him.  Full code.  I think sometimes the hardest decision for a person and/or their family to make is when to say that enough is enough.  Of these two examples, the first wasn't living a life that was at all meaningful and they hadn't gotten to live much of their life prior to their illness.  The other one had lived a happy life and  now it seemed like a good time to end if they coded.  

We all need to learn when enough is enough.  Think about your mother, father, brother, sister, spouse, grandparent.  If they've lived a life that they are satisfied, with few regrets (lets be real, everyone is always going to have at least one regret), how do you want what could be their last moments spent?  Do you want someone pounding on their chest and yelling?  Or do you want a family member to be able to sit at the side of their bed holding their hand?  I'm not saying that everyone needs to go out to a lawyer and sign a DNR, I'm saying that everyone needs to have a conversation with their loved ones about what they want if that sort of situation ever arose.

That's a really debbie downer post... sorry!

Give Me Your Eyes

I just finished reading a really good book.  It was given to me by one of the doctors who I work for at the office and it's called Intensive Care: The Story of a Nurse by Echo Heron.  It's an autobiography of a nurse who worked for years in the emergency department and acute coronary care and intermediate coronary care units. The ICCU unit Heron describes seems similar to the unit that I now work on.  


There is a part in the book where one of Heron's close friends from nursing school has made a career switch and the two discuss what nursing has meant to them.  In essence, Heron's friend tells her that nursing isn't worth it because there is so little respect or recognition for what a nurse does.  She goes on to say that Heron is mistaken if she thinks that at the end of her career she will receive any sort of special recognition and that what she can expect is to be given a "one-liner in the hospital newspaper" and never be heard of again.  Heron's response is that the people she has taken care of will remember her.  


It's true, anybody who is not in the healthcare profession and working the 'front lines' has very little knowledge of the daily life of a nurse.  I think that it is one of the most misunderstood professions.  Many people's views of nurses come from their exposure to the doctor's office nurse.  This means that all they see their nurse do is take their blood pressure, maybe take a blood sample, and tell them why they are at the doctor.  I am not knocking this aspect of nursing, it is absolutely necessary and from working in this atmosphere I know that it requires an incredible amount of patience and ability to think quickly from patient to patient.  There is so much that happens behind the scene's that the patient's do not see their nurse do such as coordinating patient care and answering a multitude of questions and phone calls.  


However, a floor nurse does so much more.  We are the eyes and ears and hands of the doctor, who may only see the patient for 10 minutes each day.  Without the nurse, there would be no hospital.  We spend more time with our patients than anybody else and know them better than anybody else, including their doctor.  We can tell when their condition is deteriorating and most often are the ones suggesting medications or treatments.  We hold their hands the day that they get a diagnosis of cancer or are told that their heart's are no longer functioning in a way that will allow them to live the life they lived before.  We listen to them as they deal with past regrets and face their mortality.  We help them to adjust to a time period in which they have lost all control over their daily routine.  We take care of them when they are used to taking care of themselves.  We explain in English what the doctors just told them in a language that they couldn't understand.  We are their confidants.  It is amazing what a person will tell a nurse, whether it be in the hospital or on the train.


Lately I have heard very few "pleases" and "thank you's" but more "do this" and "do that."  I've waited for patients to finish the phone call that they decided to make while I was in the room that instead of lasting 2 minutes goes on for 15 minutes while I am standing there, pleasantly waiting to give them the sleeping pill that they requested and that I took the time to ask the doctor to order and faithfully brought to them, while I have a list of 20 other things in my head that I need to accomplish.  I find my patience for my patient's running thin more frequently than I used to.  


Song of the day = Give Me Your Eyes, by Brandon Heath


I don't feel burnt out, but I'm starting to feel the wear and tear of nursing on my body and spirit.  It's a constant state of being on edge, waiting for anything and everything to happen.  I also feel like a number of the people in my social circle just don't understand what I do.  I listen to them talk about their jobs all of the time but rarely get asked about mine.  One person had the audacity to say, "well, you just do what the doctor tells you to do..."  So. Wrong.  The song of the day is 'Give Me Your Eyes' because I'm asking God to give me His eyes and His heart when dealing with my patients.  Whether they say please and thank you are inconsequential and God brought me to them to care for them.  Does God get a 'thank you' every time he does something for me or you?  Nope.  So, really, why do I deserve that?  I think that I really need to remember that I'm not doing what I do for a thank you, I'm doing it to bring compassion, trust and care to the people that I come in contact with.


I think that the whole world would be a better place if everyone tried to see the world through God's eyes.  We would see the pain that we cause other's with our words and actions.  We would lend a helping hand to those that are struggling.  We would remember what love means and what it means to truly listen to someone and care about them.  


Well, that's where my heart is at today.  
I work the next three nights, so I'll catch ya on the flip side.

My Generation

Hello world, how have you been?  After 3 nights of work and a day at the doctors office today, I'm back!


I heard a song on the radio on my way back to my apartment tonight and thought 'wow, I cannot remember the last time I heard this!'  I'm thinking the last time I listened to it was probably in middle school using my precious CD and portable CD player - gasp, do those still exist?! - which I thought was the coolest thing ever!


What CD was it?  N'Sync!  Their first CD.  What song was it?  Tearin' Up My Heart.  I remember listening to this CD over and over again going to and from Michigan.  I'm sure I was thinking about how cute Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez were.  I also remember thinking how cool it would be when I was a grown up, driving and living in an apartment in the city (and no, I'm not lying about this- I vividly remember thinking this while taking Lake Shore Drive home for the last leg of the way home from the lake).  Well, tonight I heard this song while driving my car to my apartment.  My life is now complete. 


Anyway, I just decided to google my generation.  Don't ask how my thought process for this worked.  Google is my answer to most of my mental whims and curiosities.  I found this article, and I think that a lot of what they say is spot-on.


http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/23/fashion/23nostalgia.html


This article was one of few that had many nice things to say about my generation, Generation Y.


So the song of the day is... My Generation - by The Beatles.  

If It's Love

No... I'm not in love.  


That said, the song of the day - or rather the next three days - is Train's "If It's Love."


Really, I'm just picking this song because of one verse, "When everybody else is getting out of bed, I'm usually getting in it."  I've had a glorious week off of work but now it's time to head back for the next three nights.  This means that as the normal working world is getting out of bed in the morning, I'll just be getting in mine.


Just over the past few years I've gotten into Train.  Don't you love when you discover a group that's already been around for a long time and you think, what is different about my life now that the music and you finally made a connection?


Alright blog world, I'll see you in a few days.

Anything but Ordinary

I’ve been looking for a different way to think about my life.  I think I’ve figured it out.  Songs.  

I. Love. Music.  

Each day - or let's be real - as often as I think of it, haha, I want to think of what song captured my day (or week) the most. 

There have been lots of changes in my life in the past year.  I’ve moved out of my parent’s house from the suburbs to the incredible city of Chicago, I’ve started a new job as a registered nurse at a major medical center and I’ve started to really do things for myself.  If I want to do something, I do it.  I’m not waiting around for life to happen to me anymore, I feel like I’m living it. 

I guess to make things interesting I should give a song that I love and I feel like it gives a good image of who I am, how I want to be.  “Anything but Ordinary” by Avril Lavigne.  I know what you’re thinking - the first song I reference and it’s by Avril, do I have any taste in music?  Hold on a second and hear me out.  I think she’s strong, she’s girly, she’s talented, she’s not one of those crazy celebrities, and she’s down to earth but not ‘ordinary.’  I hope that if you know me, those are some words that you’d use to describe me too.  Actually, I remember when I first heard this song I thought ‘hey, that’d be a cool theme song to a show about some girl who’s just trying to learn about herself and love the life that she lives.’

I’m not going to let myself be embarrassed about the songs I pick here.  They may range from the Backstreet Boys to Eminem to the Casting Crowns (one of their songs is 'Lifesong'... where I got the name for this blog-I'm sure I'll be picking it at some point).  I love it all.  If it relates to my day, I won’t deny that I like a song.  I might even pick a song that I don’t like (which will be rare because there are few songs that I don't like) but that resonated with me on a particular day or for a particular event.

I've been making these entries on my computer in a word document for a few weeks now trying to decide whether or not to actually start a blog... I guess I've made the leap because here I am!  And that means that I've got some back-posting to do!

Wednesday. 11.10.10 – Dare You to Move

This past week I did a lot.  I met up with one of my buddies near her job in the loop, I ran 3 miles for the first time ever, and then this past weekend I ran my first official 5K.  This weekend I also saw some cousins to celebrate one of their birthdays.  Then Monday I worked at a doctors office that I occasionally help out at and yesterday I had my first root canal.

The biggest thing was running the 5K, which was called the Hot Chocolate 5K and it benefited the Ronald McDonald House.  At the start of the race, the temperature outside was 32 degrees.  It was cold!  Can you believe that Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were all in the 60s?  Crazy!  I am not an athlete.  I’ve never thought that I would run 3 miles without stopping, let alone enter a race and pay to run!  I loved it!  Being there with so many people who all had a common goal - to beat the cold and finish the run - was awesome.  Running on closed streets around Soldier Field, the Shedd Aquarium, and Grant Park was also so cool and exhilarating.  I did it with some friends from college but for the last mile I did it just me.  I picked up the pace and almost got emotional as I got up to the finish line just because it’s something that I never imagined myself doing.  As soon as winter is over I want to start running again, and I think I want to shoot for a 10K for sometime late spring or summer.

I’m working the next three nights at the hospital, then have another few days off.  I already have plans to see a movie and have dinner with the high school girls on Sunday.  Then on Monday I’m planning on working at the doctor's office again, then Tuesday am meeting up with a girl from college who was involved in some of the same groups as me and who always seemed to me to be somewhat of a kindred spirit but who I haven’t had much contact with at all over the past few years.  I also have a potential ‘cousins dinner’ with a bunch of my really extended family.  So many of us live in the city and for the most part I have never been in the same circle as them (I don’t know why, I guess my shyness got in my way when I was younger and then it just became hard to break into the group) but there is a chance that a large number of us will be meeting up for a dinner which should be fun.

Song of the day/week = Dare You to Move by Switchfoot.

Even though I told myself that I was going to start 'getting out there,' I didn't.  Now I feel like I am finally getting out there and doing stuff and being social.  I heard this song before I had started to make all of these plans, and I think that it stirred something subconsciously inside of me to start getting up and out.

Monday. 11. 1. 10 – Everyday is a Winding Road

It’s been a rough week.  It’s hard being the new kid at work again.  I don’t like not knowing where things are, what the policies/procedures are, not knowing who my coworkers are and who the doctors are.  I’d been at my old job for over a year and it took probably 7 or 8 months for me to really feel comfortable with my position there.  I was charge, I was precepting, on committees, I had friendly relationships with all of the nurses, the majority of the doctors, and ancillary staff.  I miss my nurses and my favorite doctors.  I think that part is the hardest – just not being on a first name basis with everyone.  Do I really have to go through the ‘new kid phase’ for another 8 months? Ugh.

To top it off, the week before last I was feeling pretty good about everything and that I was getting into my grove again.  After all, I do know how to be a nurse, moving to my new position was just supposed to mean that I had to learn to be their kind of nurse.  However, things are far different than even I was expecting.  Now, my last three shifts (Thursday night, Saturday night, Sunday night) were miserable.  I won’t go into details, but it was just not at all even fun.  I kept thinking, and why am I doing this?  Why am I here?  Even if this same exact situation was happening at my old job, it would be ok, because I would know what to do, who to call, who to ask for help, etc.  Now I just feel overwhelmed. 

There is one bright side.  I have had a particular patient on and off for the past few weeks and she’s really a delight.  The first time I had her, I didn’t think so, but we’ve forged a bond.  I obviously can't go into her diagnosis or anything like that for privacy reasons, but basically something she thought was just a little thing has turned into metastatic cancer.  

This woman is overwhelmed and can’t get over how fast all of this is happening and the amount of information that gets thrown at her each day.  Even with all of this, she says please and thank you.  The fact that she manages to say these simple words is a true testament to her character.  Another testament to her character is that she has friends who come all of the time just to sit with her and talk.  Her manicurist even came out late last night to do her nails!  Her support system is amazing and they aren’t even her family, which she doesn’t have.  Her friends are her family and they care deeply for her. 

The rest of the staff seems to find her annoying and needy.  Yes, she may need a lot, but wouldn’t you if your life changed overnight?  She has reminded me why I am a nurse.  It’s about making someone feel better and to get them through some of the most difficult days of their lives.  This morning when I was leaving she thanked me for caring for her and told me that I was her angel.  Not an angel, but her angel.  And you know what?  That made the past three nights worth it. 

The song of the day, or the past week for that matter, is Everyday is a Winding Road by Sheryl Crow.

There are twists and turns, unexpected and planned, hills and valleys that life will take all of us through.  The car may break down or hit a pothole, but you can fix a car and you can always find your way home.  There’s always a destination.  There’s a reason that God led me to be a nurse.  I just have to take the bad shifts, angry and heavy patients with the good shifts and inspiring patients.  I am a nurse, and I have to remind myself that I am a darn good nurse.  I wind around, but I get where I’m going. 

Sunday. 10.24.10 – Silence

I have a lot to be thankful for.  I have incredible parents, great siblings who I love (most of the time), amazing aunts, uncles and cousins, good friends, a job, food in my tummy, a roof over my head, I’m healthy (I believe a benadryl or a Tums can solve any ailment), and have pretty much everything a girl my age needs. 

I have a lot of prayers though.  I pray that my family would be happy and healthy.  That my cousin and her husband would be blessed with another child because I have never seen her happier than she has been since her first daughter was born.  I pray that my other cousin is happy in NYC with her husband and new baby boy.  I pray that my friends who have struggled with body image and eating would be able to see how amazing they are and that torturing themselves with food is not the answer. I pray that my friends, although we are all spread out, would remember why we are friends and that we can remain close.  I pray for my patients and that I would be able to be compassionate, patient, gentle, and giving to them and help them through their time of sickness.  I pray that my little brother is safe and happy in Denver.  I pray that some people in my life will see that having money and possessions is not the key to happiness and that you have to love what you do to be happy.  I praise God that my parents survived us kids and that they are still in love.  I pray that my grandparents are up in heaven watching down on us and are proud of me.  I pray that I am on the path that God has planned for me and I’m where he wants me to be. 

The song of the day is Silence by Joy Williams. 

This song is about praying and having faith in God but not always being able to hear Him or feel his presence. I have a strong faith and know that God loves me but sometimes it is difficult to believe that He is listening to me when he’s got 6 billion other people to worry about.

Tuesday. 10.19.10 – Independent Women

I’m an independent girl.  I like to fix stuff, fix my own problems, buy my own stuff, figure out how to get places, etc. 

I was out today and realized that I love the power of the Destiny’s Child song, Independent Women. 

I bought my clothes, my car, my shoes, my jewelry, and my purse.  I pay for my phone, for my apartment, for my food… other than a few things here and there that my parents decide to buy for me, I am self-sufficient.  I kill bugs – other than a huge wasp in my apartment (my roommate had to kill that one for me!).  I’ve fixed the toilet in my apartment.  I’ve put together the furniture in my living room and bedroom.  I’ve hung all of my pictures up.  I like to know that I can do things on my own.  Heck, I even do my own crossword puzzles.  Although, my dad always loves the occasional call from me asking him for answers to the clues when my letters just won’t fit!

Monday. 10.18.10 – Takin’ Care of Business

Ended up going to a cool concert in Lincoln Park on Friday for a band called DeVotchKa with one of my good high school friends, her boyfriend and his brother and his friends.  A verrrry interesting group, if I do say so myself.  Everyone has their own quirks and personalities, but this group just seemed a little wacky.  The band itself was also a little quirky too.  At any given point the instruments being played were a tuba, violin, cello, accordion, piano, drums and guitar. 

One of my college friends came up to the city for the weekend to see a bunch of her high school friends in the Urbanathalon – a cool race/obstacle course through the city involving jumping over taxis and running up and down the stairs of Soldier Field.  I went down to Grant Park with her to watch it Saturday morning and had a nice time.  I wish I could’ve spent more time with her but then I had to work Saturday and Sunday night so while she, my roommate, and the rest of her friends were all having fun I was either sleeping or working which was unfortunate.

Anywho… the song of the day today is Takin’ Care of Business by Bachman Turner Overdrive. 

Let’s just say I’ve been putting some things off for a looooong time.  The most important thing that I accomplished today was to schedule a root canal – yuck.  I’ve had this messed up tooth since the fall of my senior year of college (yep, 2 years ago now) and kept avoiding going to the dentist about it.  Last fall I finally went and he said I needed a root canal but could wait to get it done until my dental insurance from my then new job started.  I put it off another 8 months and this summer the dentist said I really couldn’t/shouldn’t put it off anymore.  So what did I do?  I put it off for another 3 months.  Can you tell that I really don’t want to get this done?  I now have another new job and new dental insurance and I finally scheduled the procedure today for November… again, putting it off!  I am a strange person who has always loved going to the dentist (all because of Maria the amazingly awesome hygienist I went to as a little kid-not going to lie, I still hope that I get her when I go for my checkups), but for some reason this whole thing just freaks me out.  Okie doke, now that you know all about the state of my teeth, I’m sure you’re ready for me to be done for today!

Saturday. 10.16.10 - Single

I apologize for talking about my ‘singleness’ two days in a row. But, I am a young twenty-something single girl- it’s on my mind.  Single.  I’m ok being single, really, I am. 

But the song of the day tells my views perfectly = Single by Natasha Bedingfield. 

I wouldn’t count out the possibility of a relationship if someone came along and caught my eye, but it’s not like I feel like I need a boyfriend.  I have to admit that there are days when I wish I had a boyfriend, just some companionship, someone who gets me.  I like the independence of being on my own, another song that I love is Riding Solo by Jason Derulo.  Although he’s singing about having been with a girl and liking his new state of ‘solo-ness,’ I still love it because of the freedom he sings about being single and ‘riding solo.’

Friday 10.15.10 - Hollaback Girl

Had a nice relaxing day.  Got up, took a walk to a local thrift store and bought a cool vase to use as a decoration in my apartment for fall.  I went to a craft fare yesterday and saw something cool with a vase and thought I could replicate it for super cheap (aka $5) instead of buying what they had for $45.  Yes, I am a bargain shopper!  

Song of the day = Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani. 

Last week I was talking to a guy a lot, then towards the end of the week he just kind of stopped talking.  Well, tonight he texts me and says that he and some friends are hanging out tonight if I wanted to come.  He had his chance- I am no Hollaback Girl. I’m not a beck and call, sure don’t talk to me for a week and expect me to drive an hour to come see you when I don't even know you, kind of girl.  Sorry, buddy. I also have plans.  Even if I didn’t, I don’t think I’d let him know that I had nothing to do on Friday night and let him think I was sitting around pining for him to call me.

Thursday 10.14.10 - Who Says You Can't Go Home

As far as the song for today goes, hmmm…. Well, what did I do today?  Being a nurse I work 3 twelve-hour shifts a week at my hospital – night shifts – ugh, right?  But, that also means that I have 4 days off!  Depending on what nights I'm working during the week, I have started working during the day just once a week at a doctors office near my parents' house that I worked at during college.  Today was one of those days and compared to my usual work, today was low-key and really not very stressful.  Busy, but not stressful.  On these days I typically go home for dinner and sometimes spend the night.  After I first moved out I felt dumb for going home weekly, but now I think, why not?  It’s where I’m from; it’s where I truly am home. 

Song for the day = Who Says You Can’t Go Home by Bon Jovi.  (I LOVE Bon Jovi!).