Thursday, January 12, 2012

Brave New Girl

I am not going to be ashamed about my song choice today.  

I've chosen "Brave New Girl" by Britney Spears.  This song was on one of her CDs that I got in high school, so it's pretty old and I don't think that it was ever released as a single.  However, when I think about the first few weeks of the new year, I think it describes what has been going on pretty well.

Brave New Girl.  My motto for the start of the year has turned into New Year, New Me.  Not that I thought the previous version of me was bad, but I knew that it was time to make some changes.  

This year I have made it a point to stand up for myself and who I am and what I believe.  I've also decided to do things for me and get outside of my comfort zone.  No more sitting back and watching life happen to me, now I'm the one writing my story and making it happen.  

There have been some things going on at work lately with co-workers and I am taking a stand.  Things have got to change and if no one else is doing anything about it then I am.  There are certain people who take no pride in their work and I think that it is shameful, especially in my profession.  Since I've started speaking up I've already noticed some changes.

I've decided that I need to get comfortable going out and meeting up with people instead of needing to go out with someone.  I've already done this a few times and it makes me feel empowered to be able to walk into a bar by myself and 'make an entrance.'  I've also decided that I need to be more willing to say yes to new opportunities instead of saying no or being apprehensive.

That's right!  I got into school for my masters and the online classes started this past Monday.  While I was feeling pretty overwhelmed the past few days I think I have everything under control and a grasp of what is expected of me.  I'm really looking forward to having something to strive for and to really actively learning and having intellectual conversations with my new peers.

I have decided that I don't want to keep wondering and making myself think "what if" anymore when I meet someone who I'm interested in but do nothing about.  I was with some friends at a bar after work for a little bit on new year's eve before I had to head home because I was working the next day when we met the bartender... Sure I thought he was cute and really nice and my friends and I proceeded to go back the next two nights because he told us he was working each night.  According to them he was taking special notice of me, and I admitted that I thought he was interesting and intriguing.  I've now gone back twice by myself when he has told me that he'd be working.  Whether or not this ends up going somewhere, at least I can't think that I didn't try or wonder if it could have turned into something.  I'm putting myself out there and I'm going to find out.  Yes or no.  Details to come on this if it ends up being anything more to talk about...

Overall I feel like this year is going to be a good year.  Why?  Well, ever since I was in high school I've had a recurring dream in which I am walking through the school and it felt like my legs were made of lead and it was so difficult to get to where I needed/wanted to be.  It went away for a few years when I first started college and then it came back with a vengeance junior year when I was so unhappy with my classes and some friendships and things just weren't going well overall.  When things improved, the frequency of the dream lessened.  Senior year when I was again stressed out and so uncertain about where my life was going after graduation because I wasn't getting any leads on jobs and was nervous about taking my boards the dream came back.  The dream had then stayed away for quite awhile but it came back last summer and fall when I just couldn't make the leap to decide on a school and master's program.  As soon as I did, the dream stopped.  
Have you noticed the pattern?  When I am uncertain about where my life is going or what I am doing, the dream where I feel like I can't move occurs and it makes me not even want to sleep.  When does the dream go away?  When I start really praying, really reading my Bible with a regularity, and making changes in my life and making decisions about what path I want to take.  I know all the while God is leading me where He wants to be, but sometimes it is difficult to feel like your life is stagnant and that's what the dream was telling me.  I feel like it is going to be a good year because at this point in time there is nothing that I want to change.  I am happy with the choices that I am making and what I have going on this year and know that so much more will happen that I don't even know about yet.  

New Year, New Me.  I'm a brave new girl and I'm excited to see how this year is going to turn out because the first few weeks have been pretty great!

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